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The Secret Book of Kerry Rules

 

Somewhere deep in the mind of all Kerries is a well-kept secret about the Book of Kerry Rules. Its wisdom is passed from generation to generation.

Through the years, some Kerry masters were able to get glimpse at the Secret Book. Below is what they have reported to us. If your Kerry has told you about any additional rules, please let me know.

John Van den Bergh johnv@kerryblues.info

Section I

Submitted by Marilyn Brotherton

Article 1. After your humans give you a bath, Don't Let them Towel Dry you! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.

Article 2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs,
chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused.

Article 3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone
else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

Article 4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

Article 5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

Article 6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

Article 7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.

Article 8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears.

Article 9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

Article 10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!

Section II

Submitted by June E. Hulit

Article 1. When living in a household of multiple Kerries and/or other household pets, and you are the last Kerry/pet to come into this household....it is wise to schmooozzzz your new owners. Stare at them with thin delightful Kerry eyes with a look of profound love, innocence, and obedience; follow new owners from room to room with said same look; cocking the head from one side to another and ears showing profound attention and hanging on to every word they say. If you do this properly, you will be known as "the suck-up" by your fellow Kerry companions BUT you get your way with said owners. because they will believe you are sweet and innocent and beyond leprechaun mischievousness.

Article 2. When owners are leaving; hang your tail as close to the floor as possible; and do same with head and make sure your ears are drooping hound-like --- this is called "guilt" and Kerries must acquire a knowledge of how to put a "guilt-trip" on said owners as they are leaving whether it be for 5 minutes or 5 hours.

Article 3. When said owners are in dispose (showering; taking a bath, or other things they do in a lavatory or "that" particular small room) --- wait until "said owners" are in "position" and then bark/jump at patio/door to go outside.

A. This particularly interesting if said humans have taught said Kerry how to "ring" the hanging bell on the door knob/handle.

B. To really get them moving, it is Kerry law, to jump, or jump at door barking VERY loudly, as if a "foreign" item has entered in the back yard/front yard, etc.

Article 4. When said owners are in dispose and leave door open to the lavatory --- it is Kerry law --- to go in and bug said human. If said human is "reading" a newspaper/pamphlet/magazine or any type of "reading" article, stick one's black cold wet kerry nose right under said reading material and lift up to get the attention of said human. Give look of undying and sweet love in said Kerry eyes so as to look sweet and innocent.

Article 5. When said owners are speaking on the telephone, go to the same room where they are located and speaking on said telephone and provide background noise with either soft "boooffs"; loud barks; and/or constant pawing until you get their attention.

Article 6. When any delivery truck pulls into driveway; be sure to bark very loudly/jump up and down/and or at front window carefully creating nose prints and paw marks on large front window to let your said owner know that you, the Kerry, expect to receive large shipments of "chewies" "and/or "toys" via the truck and you are barking "in approval" of the arriving new shipment.

Article 7. If you have an electric meter in your back fenced-in yard, be aware as to when it is time for the meter reader to come to said dwelling. Ensure you sneak a piece of dirty underwear into the backyard without your owner knowing about it. Create a "kerry frenzie" with other household pets so said owner does not notice you are "sneaking" dirty underwear out the door.

Article 8. You know you have brains. Don't be tempted to use it.

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