A ventriloquist is visiting County Kerry. He is driving around the Ring of Kerry and stopped at a typical farm house and start talking to the farmer.
"I see ya got an old Kerry dog. Mind if I talk to him?" Dog doesn't talk!" came the reply. "Oh, I'll bet he does. Hi buddy, how ya doin?" says the ventriloquist while petting the Kerry". "Oh, not bad", says the dog. "Man feeds me good and I just lay around the kitchen.", came the reply from the dog.
The farmer was amazed! The ventriloquist was having fun so he says, "I see you've got a horse outside here. Mind if I talk to him?" "Horse doesn't talk!" replied the farmer. "Oh, I'll bet he does. Hi fella, how ya doin?" says the ventriloquist while rubbing the horses nose. "Oh, not bad says the horse. Man stays home a lot. I just hang around eating hay." came the reply from the horse.
Now the farmer was really amazed! The ventriloquist was enjoying this so he says, "I see you've got some sheep outside here. Mind if I talk to them?" "OH...SHEEP LIE...SHEEP LIE!!" replied the farmer.
A Pint of Whiskey
The nunnery in Killarney, County Kerry, is on Donegal Street, a block away from Jack's liquor store.
One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and she said, "Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the whiskey." "Sister Mary Katherine," exclaimed Jack, "I could never do that! I've never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!" "Oh Jack," she responded, "it's only for the Mother Superior." Her voice dropped. "It helps her constipation, you know."
So Jack sold her the whiskey. Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home. As he passed the nunnery, whom should he see but Sister Mary Katherine. And she was snookered. She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk. A crowd was gathering so Jack pushed through and exclaimed, "Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! You told me this was for the Mother Superior's constipation!" Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat as she replied: "And so it is, me lad, so it is. When she sees me, she's going to shit!"
First-time Kerry Owner
This Kerry owner went to the vet for the very first time: "Why, sir, what kind of veterinarian are you?"
Vet: "I was a naval veterinarian."
Kerry owner: "Goodness, how you vets do specialize."
A merchant tried for many months to collect an overdue bill, but with no success. Finally, he sent a tear-jerking letter accompanied by a picture of his daughter. Under it he wrote, "The reason I need the money."
By return mail came a photo of a family with their five Kerries. It was captioned, "The reason I can't pay."
A Vet, a Plumber and a Kerry
A vet had trouble with his plumbing. The pipes in his bathroom began to leak. The leak became bigger and bigger.
Even though it was 2 a.m., the vet decided to phone his plumber. Naturally the plumber got sore being awakened at that hour of the morning. "For Pet's sake, Doc," he wailed, "This is some time to wake up a guy."
"Well," the vet answered testily, "you've never hesitated to call me in the middle of the night when your Kerry has a problem. Now, it just happens I've got a plumbing emergency."
There was a moment's silence. Then the plumber spoke up. "Right you are, Doc," he agreed. "Tell me what's wrong."
The vet explained about the leak in the bathroom.
"Tell you what to do," the plumber offered. "Take two aspirins every four hours, drop them down the pipe. If the leak hasn't cleared up by morning, phone me at the office."
The following eight jokes were provided by Patrick Branswijck (Belgium) and Bas Tieman (The Netherlands).
Labs versus Kerries
A Lab thinks: "The people I live with feed me, they love me, they give me a warm place to live, they do anything for me, they must be gods!"
A Kerry thinks: "The people I live with feed me, they love me, they give me a warm place to live, they do anything for me, they must think I am a god!"
A lady is shopping for a water bowl for her Kerry. The shopkeeper shows her an expensive bowl engraved with "For our Kerry".
"That engraving will not be necessary," she explains to the shopkeeper "My Kerry can't read and my husband doesn't drink water."
A Kerry Puppy
A young man is sitting next to a pretty woman on the bus. She has a Kerry puppy on her lap and is stroking it profusely.
To start the conversation, he says "I wish I was that puppy."
"I'm not so sure about that," says the lady "I'm taking him in to be fixed."
Finger Licking Good!
"Doc, I don't know what to do! This Kerry always wants to lick my fingers."
Vet: "You may want to learn to eat with knife and fork!"
A Security Kerry
The Dubliners were talking in at the pub.
"I have this very well trained Kerry. He protects my house better than anything else. Nobody in their right mind would enter my house unannounced. Since you have had some problems with burglars, I can sell you my Kerry for two thousand pounds."
"What a silly proposition! After that transaction there is nothing left to protect!"
An Irish Apartment Kerry
The Dubliners were talking in at the pub.
"I'm going to buy me a Kerry."
"You?, with a Kerry? You live in an apartment!"
"No problem! In the summer I leave him on the balcony and in the winter he can come in."
"But what about the smell?"
"I'm sure the Kerry can get used to it."
Canadian Kerry looking for a Job
A Kerry walks into a Job Centre and says to the assistant:
"Excuse me pal, you got any jobs for me?"
The assistant picks himself up off the floor and recomposes himself,
"Um, yeah, leave it with me, come back in an hour and I'll see what I can do for you."
The dog leaves. The assistant rings Billy Smart's Circus.
"Hey Billy - you interested in a talking Dog?"
"Of course, send him along! If he's any good there'll be a few quid in it for you!"
An hour later, the dog pads back into the Job Centre. The assistant gushes,
"Great news! You've got an interview tomorrow at Billy Smarts Circus!"
The dog looks puzzled.
"What does a circus want with a bricklayer?"
The Best Beer
After a Beer Festival, in Dublin, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says "Hey Sen~or, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers, a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down with his Kerry and says "Give us a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
Kerry litter at the vet
A client brought a litter of Kerry puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.
After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized, too."
A couple has a Kerry that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. "Yeah, right," she says.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and carefully ties it around her husband's privates. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.
The next morning, the husband wakes up hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his Kerry's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says,"Boy, I don't remember where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place."
A friend of mine, upon meeting my Kerry, told me about his unusually demanding, energetic Kerry mix. It's a Border Collie / Kerry mix.
Folks, these things must be stopped. We've crossed something that wants to run the world, with something that *can*.
Water & Soap
A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew was being an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them". He felt a bit apprehensive but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and barked "Here Soap! Here Water!"
A man walks into shul with a Kerry. The shammas comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here."
"What do you mean," says the man, "this is a Jewish Kerry. Look."
And the shammas looks carefully and sees that Kerry carries a tallis bag round its neck.
"Rover," says the man, "daven!".
"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipa and puts it on his head.
"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it round his neck.
"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a siddur and starts to daven.
"That's fantastic," says the shammas, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the movies, he could make a million dollars!!"
"You speak to him," says the man, "he wants to be a dentist."
A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take-off when a dog handler with a Kerry occupies the empty seats next to him. The dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the Kerry when the second man explains that they work for the airline. The dog handler says to the first man, "Don't mind Rover he is a sniffer dog, the best there is, I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man. "Watch this." He tells the Kerry, "Rover, search." The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds, it then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy," and turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival."
"Fantastic!" replies the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy," and turns to the first man and says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of this, and the seat number."
"That's marvelous, I never seen anything like it!" says the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. He goes up and down the plane and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back and jumps up onto the seat and craps all over the place.
The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks, "What the world is going on?"
The handler replies, "He's just found a bomb."
County Kerry Waitress
Two waitresses were standing at a table over which a loaded customer had fallen asleep. Said one:
"I've already awakened him twice. Now I'm going to awaken him for the third time."
"Why don't you throw him out?" asked the other waitress.
"I can't do that," said the first waitress. "I got a good thing going for me. Every time I wake him up he pays his bill."
You win some. You Lose some.
The desire for victory and the agony of defeat is never more felt than in the Bred by Exhibitor class. After striking out again the professional handler consoled the breeder. "That's all right. You win some. You lose some." The breeder replied, "That would be wonderful!"
At one of the Kerry field trials in Canada, I walked among the contestants and found an x-pen with a Kerry and her puppies. Upon further examination I noticed I was mistaken: they were not puppies but rats - in the same x-pen!
The exhibitor explained there was nothing to it. "Just add a few fresh rats every now and then."
What Else Is New?
From the Dickson's Joke Treasury
John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Two Kerries were chatting.
"I can't figure it out," said the first dog. "I'm in perfect physical shape, but I'm constantly anxious."
"Why don't you go to a psychiatrist?" said the second.
"How can I? I'm not allowed on the couch."
And It Was So
Submitted by Paul McCloskey God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.
Then God created the Kerry, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years." And the Kerry responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 15 years." And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting strange. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years. "And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the Kerry refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting strange to amuse his grandchildren.
And it was so.
Submitted from Australia by Michael Cunnington: "I had to smile when I read the following anecdote in a copy of Reader's Digest and I thought you might like to enjoy it too. It was written by someone called Simeon Maslin."
After living in Israel, my daughter Naomi returned home with her, Max. To continue his training, she took him to a park every afternoon and went over some commands.
Since Max was born in Israel, he understood only Hebrew directives. Several children watched his performances as he followed orders of rutz (run), tishaer (stay), shev (sit) and ten yad (shake hands).
One day, a boy said to Naomi, "Hey, lady, where did you learn dog language?"
18 years after this interesting story took place, the KBT Foundation received an email from Naomi, which is reprinted with her permission:
I was impressed with your website, and most of the submitted stories were cute. [This] story [was] originally sent to Reader's Digest by my father, Simeon Maslin, in which he tells a story about my dog Max. I don't know much about Kerry dogs (and they sound delightful), but to give credit where credit is due, Max was a German Shepherd (father) Chocolate Labrador (mother) mix. He was very large (120 pounds), and meticulously trained (by me). I have no idea whether I could have accomplished the same with any other dog. Max was definitely the highest achiever of any dog I ever owned. He died about 10 years ago  and is still sorely missed.
Running through the Forest
Submitted by Judy Lamken
An atheist was jogging through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals", he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a loose Kerry charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path, which was obviously a mistake. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the Kerry was closing. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the Kerry was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.
He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the Kerry right on top of him, reaching for his throat. At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!..."
The Kerry froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped flowing.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years: teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light "it would be hypocritical to ask me to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the Kerry a Christian, after all they're from Ireland, a good Christian country?"
"Very Well." said the voice.
The light went out.
The river ran again.
And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the Kerry dropped to the ground...brought both paws together....bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
The Kerry Hunter
Submitted by Janet Joers
Photo courtesy of Natalia Samajova
Bob was showing off his Kerry's hunting abilities to his friend Bill. They went down towards a lake and Bob said to the dog, "How many ducks are there boy?" The dog raced off to the lake, came back a couple of minutes later, and barked twice. Seconds later, two ducks floated into view. "That was unbelievable, can he do it again?" Bill asked. "Sure", responded Bob, "how many ducks are there boy?" The dog raced off again, came back, and barked four times. Four ducks flew in and landed on the pond.
"I have to have that Kerry," Bill said, "I'll give you $5000 and all of my hunting dogs." They agreed to the deal, and Bill took the dog home to show off to his wife.
Bill and his wife took his new dog down to the lake and Bill said, "How many ducks are there boy?" The dog raced off, came back, grabbed
a stick, shook it, and threw it over his shoulder. "Bob gypped you," his wife said "You are such a fool." Bill protested, But I saw
it work, let me try again. How many ducks are there boy?"
Again the dog raced off, came back, grabbed a stick, shook it, and threw it over his shoulder. "Oh my" Bill said, "this dog is useless."
After selling the dog, he went back and told the story to Bob. After hearing that Bill had sold the dog, Bob cried "YOU FOOL! That Kerry was telling you that there were more ducks than you could shake a stick at!"
The Kerry and the Leopard
Submitted by Paul McCloskey
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful dog along for company. One day the dog started chasing butterflies and before long he discovered that he was lost. So, wandering about he noticed a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog, a Kerry Blue Terrier, thought, "Boyo, I'm in deep doo doo now."
Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settled down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard was about to leap, the dog exclaimed loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this the leopard halted his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror came over him, and he slinked away into the trees.
"Whew", said the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figured he could put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he went. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon caught up with the leopard, spilled the beans and struck a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat was furious at being made a fool of and said, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
The dog saw the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thought, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sat down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hadn't seen them yet. And just when they got close enough to hear, the dog said, "Where's that monkey? I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"
County Kerry's Secret of Longevity
On a visit to Ireland, an American tourist was driving along the Ring of Kerry. She was thrilled to see an old man with his kerry blue terrier by his side. She walked up to the shriveled little man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing your kerry dog and how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise!"
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you anyway?'
He thought for a moment and replied, "Thirty-six."
The Preacher and the Terrier Handler
Submitted by Doris Joers
After a preacher dies and goes to Heaven, he notices that a Terrier handler has been awarded a higher place.
"I don't understand," he complains to Saint Peter. "I devoted my entire life to my congregation."
"Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results," St. Peter explained.
"Now, did your congregation pay attention every time you gave a sermon?"
"Well," the minister admitted," some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time."
"Exactly," said Peter. "And when Kerry owners delivered their Kerry to the handler, they not only stayed awake for the show, they prayed nonstop."
Submitted by Barbara Kam
Two handsome male dogs are walking down the street with a homely male dog.
Suddenly they see a beautiful, enticing, female Kerry. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before Kerry's beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Kerry. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Kerry. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says.
"Liver alone. Cheese mine."
Submitted by Janet Joers
Here's my favorite case of mistaken identity.
A couple of years ago, we were returning from working the Kerry booth at L.A.'s annual Pet Fair with Jazz and four of her puppies (then 4 months old).
We stopped on the way home to potty the pups in a grassy area. A man stopped by to watch Jazz, who, let it be known, is a flashy blue, with all her pups bouncing around. After a while, he came up to me and said in a low voice, "Guess the father was black, huh?" If he'd seen the father (picture at right), he wouldn't have believed it!
Submitted by John Ference
After our [Kerry] died, my parents had her cremated, and they placed the ashes in a special box on the fire place mantel. One day the boy next door came over to play and noticed the fancy container. "What's in the box?" he asked.
"That's our dog," my mom replied.
"Oh," the boy simply said. A minute later he remarked, "He's awfully quiet, isn't he?"
Jesus, Moses and an old bearded guy were playing golf. On the first tee, Moses shanked his ball into a lake. He parted the water and hit his ball onto the green.
Jesus teed off, hitting his ball into another water hazard. But he walked on water and stroked his ball just short of the cup.
Then the old man with the beard stepped up for his tee shot. He hit the ball with tremendous force, but hooked badly. The ball bounced off the clubhouse roof, hit the cart and rolled down the hill into a ditch. A few second later a rat brings up the ball in his mouth, but is quickly grabbed by a Kerry Blue who was watching by the fence. The Kerry shook the rat until the ball flew out of the rat's mouth and rolled onto the green, straight into the cup for a hole in one!
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing golf with your dad."
Kerry owners will understand this one
Contributed by Catherine Reardon, who does not own a Kerry.
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my newborn daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his [Kerry] approached, I leaned into the baby carriage and said, "See the doggy?"
Suddenly I felt a little silly talking to my baby as if he understood me. But just as the man passed, I noticed he reached down, patted his [Kerry] and said, "See the baby?"
A dented car
Dog shows can be tough on vans. The loading and unloading of crates, pens, tables and tack can cause many scratches and dents in the car.
So one day Helen goes to the body shop for a repair estimate. The repairman winks at his buddy and tells Helen that if she blows into the tailpipe really hard, the dents will just pop out.
After she arrives home, she blows with all her might into the exhaust pipe. Her husband asks what she's doing. Helen explains the repairman's tip. "But it doesn't work," she says, pausing to catch her breath.
"Duh!" replies the husband. "You have to roll up the windows first!"
Cruel and unusual punishment
Helen called in sick from work when the Kerry specialty was held on a Friday. Helen has an excellent Kerry puppy of her own breeding with only a major to finish.
Helen was very religious and prayed the whole way to the show that she may win.
Looking down, St. Peter said to God, "You're not going to let her get away with this, are you?"
The Lord shook his head.
Not only did Helen's puppy win the points, it went best of breed over several specials!
St. Peter was outraged. "I thought you were going to punish her!" he said to the Lord.
The Lord looked at St. Peter and replied, "So who's she going to tell on Monday?"
Contributed by Suzanne Dopp
Driving to work one morning, I heard an announcement on the radio about a lost [Kerry]. The deejay said the owner was offering a substantial cash reward for its return.
Getting to the traffic segment of his broadcast, the deejay asked the helicopter pilot who monitors morning rush hour what the roads were like. "To heck with the traffic," the pilot said on the air, "we're going to look for that [Kerry]!"
Thanks to June Hulit .
A gentleman was planning his vacation and wanted to take his Kerry Blue with him. He wrote the proprietor of the fine establishment asking if there were any rooms available on a certain date and also asked if he could bring along his show Kerry who was quite well mannered.
The proprietor received the letter and wrote back to the gentleman as follows:
This establishment is over 150 years old and has been well maintained over the years, provides the finest rooms, the finest hospitality and five-star food. In the years that I have been the owner and proprietor, not one dog, has taken the liberty of skipping out on his bill, complained about the quality of our fine establishment, stolen any towels, pictures, ash trays, or lamps; nor destroyed any furniture, carpeting or walls, nor created such a disturbance that the local police had to called. Your dog is more than welcome here and you are too if your dog can vouch for you!