When you see the posts of Paul D. Motzenbecker, the human lackey and Aloysius and Bridgett, the Kerry Blue Terriers, you must slow down enough to enjoy the humor in their musings. Here is a compilation from some of their posts on KB-L, the newslist for Kerry Blue Terriers, collected over the years by Cindy Hatzfeld.
Comments on grooming:
As it stands now, I do not clip Aloysius from October to March due to the mess it would make indoors. We go to Florida in early March and use my parent's place to make a mess outdoors when we get there. – Paul
On being combed out:
EGAD! You mean that the combing out my human gave me last night was on the level?! There was a two-hour CSI special and I got combed out from stem to stern. All in all, I would have rather been in Philadelphia than University Park, MD. Combing out is not my cup of tea. Fie on all combs. – Aloysius, the KBT
On grooming seminars:
All of the seminars in the world will not help if you never attempt to clip your Kerry. Practice makes perfect. Yes, the hair grows back and fast. That is why they pay brain surgeons so much more than barbers. – Paul
My ideal pair would cut well and not hurt my hands or inflict severe pain on my bank account. – Paul
The high cost of grooming:
I, too, dislike grooming Aloysius. At this time of year he looks more like a sheep than a Kerry. As to paying for a professional job, I am so cheap that the last time I spent money, the George on it was George III; and he said, "Good bye, Paul." That being said, the compensations of a Kerry are manifold. Ask anyone who is owned by one. :-) They are smart, non-shedding, non-drooling (well, they do think that my thigh is their napkin after drinking), non-smelling and a have a wicked sense of humor. So, I put up with clipping him. – Paul
If you use a professional groomer, do you tip?
Brigett & Aloysius
Professional groomer? What is that? If you mean that guy who takes me for walks from time to time, he is no professional. He gives me a shave and a haircut for two bits - one out of each ear. At that rate, there will be nothing left in the near future. Come to think of it, it has been a while since he did that. Might he be thinking of doing that again? I have to find when he keeps the clippers and the scissors and put them away where he cannot find them. - Aloysius, the KBT
Where ARE the clippers? – Paul, the human lackey
Comment on the various personalities in Kerrys:
I have had four Kerries. They had the following personalities (if you can put a personality down in so many words):
- Patrick: Calm, but don't mess with his friends.
- Patty: Nervous wreck.
- Spanky: Think of a proper English butler who says ever so slowly, "Hello. I am so terribly excited to meet you." and you had Spanky. Just don't let a c*t wander past or you will see anything and everything but calm.
- Aloysius: A high there kind of guy. Not exactly calm. Think salesman.
In short, there is going to be a wide range of personalities in dogs. BTW, my parent's Airedale is calm unless he and Aloysius are together. Then it is lets see what trouble we can get into.
Comments on driving:
Well, he would drive, if I would let him. No, Aloysius, that is I-95 with a speed limit of 55 MPH, not I-55 with a speed limit of 95 MPH. I guess you will just have to ride in the back where kings travel. It is much safer for all the parties on the road. Now, if you would only let me dash into the store for a bit without honking the horn. I will be back soon. Besides, it is 20°F outside. You will not die of the heat in the car. – Paul
FLORIDA, did you say FLORIDA? Do I get to drive again? –Aloysius, the KBT
No, you do not get to drive again. Your luck in getting police officers to let you go with the confused "Officer, I thought it was I-55 with a speed limit of 95 MpH (~150 Kph)" routine might not hold up. :-)) Besides, we lose all that time sitting on the side of the road while the officer runs your license. – Paul
Some questions from Aloysius to Paul
1) What happens to all that chicken fat?
2) When do we go to Florida, Dad?
3) May I drive?Answers:
1) You get it for breakfast.
2) Not soon enough. Brrr.
3) Not on your life.
What color are your Kerry’s eyes?
First, I will have to find them. If he got a haircut right now, he would loose a pound or two. Ah, there is one. No, that is his nose. Well, I am close. No, that is his ear. At least I keep those cleaned out. Ah, here is his eye. It is brown. ;-) – Paul
What’s for Dinner?
Frankly, sooner or later they will eat whatever you put down. It is best to start with a mix of the old and new food. It does help if they never find that the "grass" is greener on the other side of the fence. – Paul
Not pellets again for breakfast?! I want a couple of steaks. – Aloysius, the KBT
Justifiable reasons for a dog biting?
Personally, unless the family is attacked, I would prefer that Aloysius would show a burglar where the pillowcases were and then the family silver (plate) is rather than bite the intruder. – Paul
But Dad, letter carriers are crunchy and good with ketchup. An intruder would be even tastier. – Aloysius, the KBT
Trash and Kerries:
A Kerry Blue not raid the trash? Please, spare me! That is too funny. The only way to keep Aloysius out of the trash is to take it out. Years ago, when he was a puppy, I threw a cooked chicken carcass out in my parent's trash. Guess who stole it, ate it and was looking for more? Yes, Aloysius. We did not know it was taken from the trash until two days later when it was time to adjust the cans outside so we had only one to put out. Then it was noticed. By then, Aloysius had passed whatever he had eaten. He was none the
worse for the wear. – Paul
If it is in the house, it is fair game for counter surfing. – Aloysius, the KBT
How to celebrate a Kerry Birthday:
The liver muffins are cooling as I type. They will get a cream cheese icing and a few wheat germ sprinkles. No party hats need apply. Kerries come with all the clothes save a collar that they need. – Paul
In reply to “Poop-Freeze” a new aerosol spray that claims to harden canine solid waste for easier pickup:
EGAD! Poopsicles. All in all, I will just continue to use my old shopping bags for canine emission control devices (poop bags). A product looking for a market. I wish them luck. – Paul
Comments about a Kerry's biting potential?
Of course if it is a mail man all bets are off. They are crunchy critters, but you need ketchup to go with them. - Aloysius, the KBT
You eat the nice mail man?! Heavens! They are such nice people. Please do not eat our mail man. - Bridgett, the KBT
It looks like it depends a bit on the dog as to what your average Kerry chooses to bite. – Paul, their human lackey
Of course, I have never bitten other dogs except when I was a wee pup. Then they were biting me, too. I am not a cannibal. On the other hand (besides more tasty fingers), mailmen are crunchy and good with ketchup. -Aloysius
Paul Motsenbecker died of cancer on October 26, 2006
PAUL D. MOTZENBECKER JR., 48, of University Park, Md., whose parents live in SPRING LAKE, passed away Thursday, Oct. 26, at Jersey Shore University Medical Center, Neptune, with his loving family at his side. Born in Orange, he was raised in Short Hills and graduated from Milburn High School in 1976. He then moved to University Park to attend the University of Maryland in College Park. He employed as a store manager with Radio Shack in Maryland for many years. He was president of Hope Foundation in Washington D.C. and a volunteer at the Whitman Walker Clinic, also in Washington.
He is survived by his parents, Paul D. Sr. and Helen Motzenbecker of Spring Lake; his partner, Michael Thompson; a brother, Douglas E. Motzenbecker of Madison; two sisters, Susan Blasius of Bernardsville, and Elizabeth Motzenbecker of New York City; two nephews, Michael Blasius and Peter Motzenbecker; and a niece, Hope Motzenbecker.