I have a Kerry Blue called "Sex". He's a great pal, but he has caused me a lot of embarrassment.
When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!"
I said, "I need the license for a dog" and he said he didn't care what she looked like.
"Look, you don't understand" I told him. "I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."
One day I entered Sex in a dog show, but arrived too late for the judging. Another contestant then asked me why I was looking so unhappy. I told him I had really wanted to have Sex in the contest. He said I should have sold my own tickets.
"But that's not all," I told him. "I had also hoped to have Sex on TV." He wasn't impressed and said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal anymore."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted two rooms. One for my wife and I to sleep in and another room just for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room, as long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do."
I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. I need a separate room otherwise Sex will keep me awake all night." The clerk said, "Funny...I have the same problem.
During the night my wife left a window open and Sex ran away. I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex. I told him that after I was married, Sex had gone out of the window. He said, "Me, too, but I don't go creeping around alleys all night."
Anyway, after all the trouble my wife and I separated and went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "This courtroom is not a confessional. Please stick to the case."
Sometimes you just can't win.