A Kerry Blue Terrier's Declaration of Rights

(As related to Evelyn Hutchings by her favorite Kerry and published in Kerry Kips in May 1991.)

Hey You! Ears Up! Never forget that I am permitting you humans to share my house. But just so long as all my wants are duly met!

Meals must be on time. And you better believe in full dog dishes. Also, snacks and samples of your food had better be forthcoming. In return for these tidbits, I will function as the pre-wash cycle of your dishwasher for all dishes, pots, or pans laid down before me.

When you choose to sit in my living room, just remember that the decor has been chosen with my comfort in mind. I expect to sit on the sofa with you, or perhaps sprawled across your lap. If you are having a libation liberally laced with ice cubes, I require my share of said ice cubes.

My sleeping arrangements are simple-your bed. However I do reserve the right to sleep in a spot where you must fall over me to reach any other part of the house. I assume no responsibility for any injuries you incur as a result of your nightly perambulations or daytime wanderings. It is solely your duty to step over me.

I concede that (sigh) grooming is a necessity. But why the delightful fragrance of my "eau de chien" bothers you is beyond my comprehension.

Mail carriers and delivery persons will be greeted (grrr. . . grrr . . . arf! arf! bark! bark!) with the usual hospitality allotted such carriers.

All humans visiting my house are encouraged to bear me gifts of dog cookies or rawhide bones. Such donations are merely considered my due. A suitable altar for these should be erected on the front porch.

All genuine demonstrations of adoration are sanctioned. Just remember though, when I roll over on my back, I'm not trying to look cute. It is expected of you to spend at least the next five minutes rubbing and/or scratching my stomach, chest, chin, and all the areas in between.

I do not condone being called by "yucky" names such as "Baby Waby," "Honeykins," or "Old Fuzzy Face." Just "Favorite Dog" or "Favorite Girl" is entirely acceptable. My official callname is something that, I suppose, must have some deep meaning to you. Just never ask me what I call you.

Now that we all understand the terms of our agreement, I'm sure you will conform to the proper behavior on your part. After all, if all you wanted was sweetness and submission, you don't need a Kerry.

Signed, Your Very Favorite Kerry

Last Update: 11/08/07, 10:35:05  Terms of Use and Disclaimer.